I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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