Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
