I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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