She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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