hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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