It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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