break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
