Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
