You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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