I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
