So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
