so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
