I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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