Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
