The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
whose parrot is this?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
