we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
