The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
