His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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