if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
