My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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