I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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