He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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