Pappa wants mamma naked
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
