Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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