meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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