Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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