even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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