tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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