and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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