she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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