Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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