k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
