im drinking this country out of the recession.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
