were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize