Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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