dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize