Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
