I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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