Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
