Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
