just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
