ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
