she was so not down for the gang bang
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
