dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
