His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
