I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
