Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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