Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize