Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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