i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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