I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
