if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
