the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
