She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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