so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
