My room smells like vodka and shame
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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