i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize