3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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