He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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