Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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