im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
