You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
