I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
