His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
