I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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