no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
