3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
