Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Never joke about your clitoris.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
