she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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