i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
