wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
