the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize