did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
false alarm. still invincible.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
