I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize