i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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