I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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