I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
